


Coffee, Cukor, Coming, and Going

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:19:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily did not want to be a reason to forget tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee, Cukor, Coming, and Going

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this with the prompt **S.O.S** in mind but the story decided to go whatever way it felt like it. I just followed and honestly I don’t know what I have here. There are spoilers for Birthright.

He opened the door and stood back to let her in.Emily Prentiss did not speak as she closed the door behind her.He was still holding the unopened envelope in his hand and for a moment, she just looked at it.

 

“Are you drunk?” he asked.

  
She shook her head.She really wanted to be, it had been a hard case and she left the boys at a dive somewhere with their liquor and their troubles.She called JJ’s cell phone but got no answer; she needed to be alone tonight.So she came there, knowing it was where she wanted to be all along and was unsure if she was welcome.

 

“Come in.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“You're in already.”

 

“That’s not what I mean, Hotch.”

 

“I knew it was coming, and I didn’t want to go out tonight to be stared at and felt sorry for.”

 

“I don’t feel sorry for you.” Emily replied.

 

“Why did you come here?”

 

“I can go.”

 

“That’s not what I asked.”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“What you feel.”

 

“I feel like I didn’t want you to be alone tonight.I feel like I wish…” Emily just bit her lip.She turned around and looked at the door; looked as if she wanted to run through it and never look back.“I just wanted to be here.I went out with the guys to give you space.Chasing after you would not have looked good.For the past couple of hours you’ve been the only thing on my mind.”

 

“Ditto.”

 

“What?” she turned back to him.

 

“I wanted to be with you, and the team, have a drink, and have everything be fine.I knew that wasn’t going to fly after I got the papers.It’s real.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

 

“I should be devastated.” Hotch said.

 

“You're not dancing the samba Hotch.”

 

“I wanted to be with you tonight.I'm a married man and I wanted to be with you.”

 

“I should just go.I don’t want either one of us to do anything that might compromise a friendship we’re trying to develop.”

 

“I want to be…” Hotch took a deep breath.“I’ll make coffee if you stay.”

 

“No offense but your coffee is not that good.”

 

“My coffee is great.” Hotch said in mock indignation.

 

“Mmm, no its not.” Emily shook her head.

 

“I'm hurt.”

 

She laughed but then stopped.

 

“Hotch…”

 

“Come here.” Before she had a chance to think about it, he pulled her into his arms.She stiffened for a moment and then relaxed.He wanted to kiss her, reassure her, but it wasn’t the right time.He was still trying to work on how he could possibly have feelings for someone else and still be married.What about his feelings for Haley?

 

He should be devastated, even if he saw it coming, or suspected it.He should be a shell of a man.Right?The only thing that killed him was having even less time with Jack.He never wanted Jack thinking that his father didn’t love him.Hotch knew what that was like and he would rather give up everything than ever have that happen. “I don’t want you to go.”

 

She really wanted to hear that.She was mad at herself for wanting it, but she did just the same.Hotch was going through enough; he did not need the extra pressure of whatever this was.Not that Emily had started any of it.He showed up at her condo the night Haley left.

 

That was how it all started.They were trying, trying just to be friends or something like that, but greater forces seemed to be at work.He had the divorce papers now…this was the time to try to get back all he was about to lose.Yet he was telling her that he did not want her to go.Could it be?Emily could hardly let herself believe it could really be.

 

“What's on TV?” she whispered against the warmth of his chest.She wanted to build a home there and never leave.

 

“Nothing, as usual.”

 

“Oh good…my favorite.”

 

Hotch smirked.He kissed her forehead, stroked her hair back and did it again.

 

“I’ll make tea.Unless now you don’t like my hot water either.”

 

“Oh stop,” Emily pulled away some.“I was just…”

 

His mouth came down on hers, not hard but passionately.For a split second, she thought of pushing him away but she never could.Hotch made her weak in the knees and she was sure he knew that.Emily did not want to be a reason to forget tonight.She did not want their lovemaking ever to be a substitute for something he lost.Could she even call it lovemaking; that could be a strong term?But it was more than sex…she never felt with any man as she did with Hotch.She could only hold on tighter and tremble as the kiss deepened.

 

“Oh Emily.” he moaned against her mouth.

 

“Don’t.” it hurt like hell but she moved out of his path.She moved all the way to the door.Her hand went on the knob.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

“I won't stay and be used to forget.”

 

“I would never do that.I don't understand half of what's going on and you have to know that as a man who has control of almost everything that is a hard position for me.I just know I want to be with you tonight and kissing you is not a bad thing, it’s just a thing.”

 

“I am more than a thing, Aaron!” she exclaimed.“I'm sorry.”

 

“Tonight is a bad night.Don’t say you're going home.I’ll make coffee and we’ll watch TV.C'mon,” he held out his hands.“Rossi let me borrow _Gaslight_.”

 

“I love Cukor.”

 

“You think I don’t know that.”

 

“I should know who your favorite director is.”

 

“Clint Eastwood.”

 

“Really?”

 

“He has never made a bad film.”

 

“That one with the monkey was bad.”

 

“I should say he never directed a bad film.I’ll even let you make the coffee.”

 

“You got a deal.What time is it?”

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Hotch replied.”

 

“Alright.” She took a deep breath, pushed everything aside and stayed where she wanted to be.

 

Finally giving up her grip on the door handle, Emily moved into the kitchen.She knew where everything was in the new place, a sure sign she spent too much time there.Tooling around, she slipped out of her shoes as Hotch went into the living room to set up the DVD player.She heard the television come on as she was grinding the coffee beans.She didn’t hear him come back and jumped when the arms slid around her waist.

 

“Did I scare you?” he whispered close to her ear.

 

“Sometimes.” She caressed his hands.“You have wonderful hands.”

 

“They're holding onto you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“This time will pass.”

 

“OK.”

 

He didn’t say anything else but held on as she made the coffee.Emily could only laugh as he reluctantly let go for her to get the mugs.They went to the couch and she was thankful it could never talk.As the movie started, she put her arms around him and cuddled close.Emily would do her best to be good tonight but it was asking too much not to be in his arms.

 

They were both in deep, deeper than their own understanding.She couldn’t help but be distracted by the unopened envelope on the coffee table.When would he sign?Would he sign?Was she keeping a family apart?Was he just on the rebound?Did he have any real idea what he was doing?Would she be able to go on in the BAU when this affair ended?Was she a mistress?

 

“I have to go.” She jumped up from the couch not even an hour into the movie.

 

“Em…”

 

“Seriously.I want to stay but…not tonight.Too much has happened tonight.”

 

“Alright.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“I'm sorry.I should have just called.I just…goodnight Hotch.”

 

He walked her to the door.They hugged and he watched her walk out the door.She would probably just go to the corner and hail a cab.He wanted her to stay but didn’t want to force the situation.This had to be hard on her too.Neither one of them planned this love affair, or whatever it was.They were too old for games and too sensible to ignore everything and let it happen.It would get harder before it got easier.

 

He picked up his phone from the coffee table as he sat back down on the couch.Muting the movie, he pressed two and listened to it ring.There would be no answer, there never was, but he needed to speak.

 

‘ _You’ve reached Jason.Leave a message and I will call you back.Thanks_.’

 

** BEEP! ** “You're not calling back.You never call back.Everything is upside down and you're not here.Who am I supposed to talk to?Who am I supposed to tell that Haley left me and I think I might be in love with another woman?Damn you.I need you and I don’t even know where you are.I don’t even know what I would say if you did call me.I don’t want to be alone, Jason.It hurts so much to be alone.

 

“Is that enough to drag her into this?I feel so empty and she fills me and that scares me and dammit what about Jack?You check these messages or the box would be full by now…you know what I'm going through.I hope whatever you're going through is worth keeping you away.I hope you're alright.We are all going to be alright, I think.I will call again soon…I won't be able to help myself.Goodbye.”

 

***

                                                                                                                            


End file.
